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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!