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I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.