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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut