Daily Silly Status

I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.

If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please

They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."

I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.

The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.

If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.

Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?

I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.

Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.

I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...

I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.

I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.

The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.