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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.