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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Save water, shower together.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.