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My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you