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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
drink beer ?? save water
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.