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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.