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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.