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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
sleep is for people without netflix
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?