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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?