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And then her mood ring just...exploded
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.