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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.