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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.