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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible