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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....