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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.