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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
when in Rome get naked ;)
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.