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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I wish common sense was more common.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
Are walruses just vampire manatees?