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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?