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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”