Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.