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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.