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When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.