Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours