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I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...