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If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
Iām thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"