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never be afraid to wipe twice
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.