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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.