Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.