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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.