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Worry: a waste of imagination.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs