Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.