Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.