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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.