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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
The less you know, the more you think you do.