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My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?