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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!