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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.