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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."