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If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari