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Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"