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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
I need more people like me in my life
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.