Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.