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Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.