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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.