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I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.