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I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.