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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.