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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over