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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.