Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Thatβs probably why I got run over.
I used to wonder what it was like to read peopleβs minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Iβm going to start telling girls that Iβm available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
My pants are 75% off.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Itβs so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isnβt a glare on my screen.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.