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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)