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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.