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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
Your personality needs alcohol.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.