Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I laugh in the face of normal.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"