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The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.